If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
did you just send me my own nude
I had to cum in my sink.
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