We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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