Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize