It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
