I just threw up on my dentist
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
