You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
