idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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