Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
