the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Buhtt sex?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
