the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
