he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
