We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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