I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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