that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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