Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
