Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
