I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
