Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
