I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
