omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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