Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
