So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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