if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
