Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
