Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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