i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
