She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
