We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just pynch a tree in the face
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Alive.
So much puke
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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