you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
