ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize