Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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