you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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