Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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