He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
