Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
