Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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