I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
