literally had 100 drinks last night.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
