Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
