It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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