Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
