is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
