I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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