Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my shit smells like andre
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
