I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
