I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm just crazy horny about you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
