Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
