Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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