he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize