Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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