theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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