i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
