mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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