Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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