dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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