no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
this must be what syphilis tastes like
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
