I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
