"it" just moved
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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