I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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