Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
