What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
