Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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