the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
