Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize