Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
