so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
