I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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