When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
areolas are like halos for boobs.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
