My first STD was from a foam party
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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