Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
