Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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