3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
