how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
