no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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