If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
