Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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